The Test

I knew. I knew the test would say positive days before I did it. Which is odd because I didn't have any 'symptoms' and didn't feel any different within myself. But I knew. I suppose when you're trying, and so caught up in the 'am I?' 'aren't I?' of it all, that everything is heightened and intuition takes over. My cycles weren't quite regular and, although I thought I was late, avoided doing the test for a fortnight until I was absolutely sure. 

We did the test (just one Clearblue because how bloody expensive are they?!) on a Thursday night at home. While it was blinking away I went through all of the emotions. Are we ready? Can we cope? Did we think this through? 

When the positive result showed up, I felt numb. This is what we wanted. This should be a moment to celebrate. Instead, we carried on with the washing up. It's such a defining moment in your life that I think all of the emotions are fighting to prevail: excitement, fear, love... But all I kept thinking was how grown up I felt. I think I was underwhelmed by the test because all it did was confirm what I knew- I was going to be a mom.